Letter to my dating service in response to "What I am Looking for in an Ideal Mate"

Here we go again... here is the letter I sent to the dating service I paid $100 for over three months ago that has yet to provide me with one match.  I am not holding my breath.  They asked if I "could shed some more light on what you might be looking for in an ideal mate. We are excited to get you started with some wonderful matches for you in the NY area!" Uuuuum.  Ok. 

Nameless digital form monster in some undisclosed bunker in the midwest,
So great to hear from you!
Ideal mate for me?  Wow?  What a big question.  If you think I had that one covered at this point, I would have that one figured out huh?  What sort of info are you looking for? age range? interests? looks?

Honestly, I am open to meeting a nice guy, with sweet eyes, with a wicked sense of humor and a love of pop culture who is willing to treat me to nights out to dinner, music and good conversation.  He's gotta have a personality (read: a job and not live with his parents) and he's gotta be cute (at least to me It's all relative folks). Types:  Jason Siegel, John Cusack or any pub trivia glasses wearing nerd-type.  Well, just think of guys that Liz Lemon should date and then pretty much, that's who I should be dating. Yep. There you go. Or maybe a combo of Liz Lemon, Zooey Deschanel and Lena Dunham. Whomever you think should be dating that genetic mash-up, that's my guy.

Hope that helps.  Let me know if I can give any more information or if you want to chat!

Best,
Wordy and Wandering

And there it is.

Breakup Mix

With Gotye's earwig song, I am constantly reminded of the need for a new beak-up mix. In the early '90's I created a classic mix, perfect for wallowing in sorrow, while eating pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Below is the start of an updated list of songs:

Sorrowful, sad songs for sobbing:

• Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye, 
• Nothing Compares 2 U- Sinead O'Connor
• Throwing It All Away- Genesis
• Someone Like You -Adele
• The One I Love- R.E.M.
• Against All Odds - Phil Collins
• I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston (which has an even bigger depressing wallop now!)
• Yesterday -The Beatles
• Rolling in the Deep - Adele
• Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell (or anything from that album really)
• It Must Have Been Love - Roxette (ok, I know, I know... not the greatest, but it sticks with me for some reason)
• Someone Else's Story - chess (yes, a Musical, but I love singing this song!)
• I And Love and You - Avett Brothers
• Little Lion Man - Mumford and Sons
• Crazy - Patsy Cline
• “Love on the Rocks” – Neil Diamond
• “Separate Ways” – Journey
• This Woman’s Work” – Kate Bush
• “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Bonnie Tyler

 And for the angry phase,

• Forget You- CeeLo Green
• You Oughta Know- Alanis Morissette 
• Stronger- Kelly Clarkson
• Roses - Outkast
•   “Everyday I Love You Less and Less” – Kaiser Chiefs
• “Since U Been Gone” – Kelly Clarkson

How fast can you read?

This is awesome! I've now got confirmation that I"m a speedy reader, but probably not as speedy as my friend, Dr Theater, the college prof.

Check it out. Where do you fall?

Source: Staples eReader Department

I'm at 592 words per minute.

Finally back to reading!

After a long time away from my stack of books and my lovely and portable Nook, I am back to reading!

Here's what I'm reading this week:

Stephen Fry in America
Phantom Tollbooth (yes, I am catching up on books!)
The Last Dickens

Good stuff indeed! Gotta get back to reading!

Sci Fi books reading

I am reading a lot lately, mostly to try and rid my apartment of the ever growing stacks of unread books. I read and share, donate throw out the book.

I'm also reading a lot of reading blogs and I have a new list to consider from NPR

Red=books I've read
Blue= books I have seen a movie/tv version but not actually read
Purple= Books I have not read, but currently own.

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien
2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
3. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
4. The Dune Chronicles by Frank Herbert
5. A Song of Ice and Fire Series by George R.R. Martin
6. 1984 by George Orwell
7. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
8. The Foundation Trilogy by Isaac Asimov
9. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
10. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
11. The Princess Bride by William Goldman
12. The Wheel of Time Series by Robert Jordan
13. Animal Farm by George Orwell
14. Neuromancer by William Gibson
15. Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
16. I, Robot by Isaac Asimov
17. Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
18. The Kingkiller Chronicles by Patrick Rothfuss
19. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
20. Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
21. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick
22. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
23. The Dark Tower Series by Stephen King
24. 2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke
25. The Stand by Stephen King
26. Snow Crash Neal Stephenson
27. The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury
28. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
29. The Sandman Series by Neil Gaiman
30. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
31. Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein
32. Watership Down by Richard Adams
33. Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey
34. The Moon is a Harsh Mistress by Robert A. Heinlein
35. A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller Jr.
36. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
37. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne
38. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
39. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
40. The Amber Chronicles by Roger Zelazny
41. The Belgariad by David Eddings
42. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
43. Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson
44. Ringworld by Larry Niven
45. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
46. The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien
47. The Once and Future King by T.H. White
48. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
49. Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke
50. Contact by Carl Sagan
51. The Hyperion Cantos by Dan Simmons
52. Stardust by Neil Gaiman
53. Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson
54. World War Z by Max Brooks
55. The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle
56. The Forever War by Joe Haldeman
57. Small Gods by Terry Pratchett
58. The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, The Unbeliever by Stephen R. Donaldson
59. The Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMaster Bujold
60. Going Postal by Terry Pratchett
61. The Mote in Gods Eye by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
62. The Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind
63. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
64. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
65. I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
66. The Riftwar Saga by Raymond E. Feist
67. The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks
68. The Conan the Barbarian Series by Robert E. Howard & Mark Schultz
69. The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb
70. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
71. The Way of the Kings by Brandon Sanderson
72. Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne
73. The Legend of Drizzt Series by R. A. Salvatore
74. Old Man's War by Jon Scalzi
75. The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson
76. Rendezvous with Rama by Arthur C. Clarke
77. The Kushiel's Legacy Series by Jacqueline Carey
78. The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin
79. Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
80. Wicked by Gregory Maguire
81. The Malazan Book of the Fallen Series by Steven Erikson
82. The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
83. The Culture Series by Iain Banks
84. The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart
85. Anathem by Neal Stephenson
86. The Codex Alera Series by Jim Butcher
87. The Book of the New Sun by Gene Wolfe
88. The Thrawn Trilogy by Timothy Zahn
89. The Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon
90. The Elric Saga by Michael Moorcock
91. The Illustrated Man by Ray Bradbury (I've read some stories from this collection)
92. Sunshine by Robin McKinley
93. A Fire Upon the Deep by Vernor Vinge
94. The Caves of Steel by Isaac Asimov
95. The Mars trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson
96. Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven & Jerry Pournelle
97. Doomsday Book by Connie Willis
98. Perdido Street Station by China Mieville
99. The Xanath Series by Piers Anthony
100. The Space Trilogy by C.S. Lewis

Why do I bother?

So, I tried another dating site and for the first time since I tried online dating, I actually met a guy who I actually, truly and seriously was attracted to. Yet, so many problems: still married, with kids, still living at home while trying to divorce. I should have seen the signs, but I was blinded by the nice eyes, sweet smile and wounded demeanor. And here I am, a month later, waiting, stupidly, for the phone call, the text, some form of communication.

Friends keep getting married, having kids, living their lives and here I am, still in the same place I was 10 years ago. With 40 looming so close in the distance, is it worth it to bother trying another dating site. Honestly, what difference could it make when I think i am getting to the point where the guys are being recycled.

I had my chances, not with great guys, and maybe one really great guy-but I was too young and too unfocused to notice it.

Do I have regrets? Yes, but would I change anything? I don't know. I don't know if it would matter.

So here I write, streaming stupid words together to try and interpret this empty feeling I have in my heart. My dog helps, but it's still so very lonely. and what will happen when I'm alone without my mom or my friend ( I know lots of people, but really only have one true friend) to be there with me?

Boy, I really need a vacation.

Why do I bother?

SO, I am back to dating. Well, trying to date. Another $50 towards a online site that initially provides some interesting prospects, but then nose-dives into the void of unreturned winks, nudges, I'm intrigued messages.

After a decade of trying to connect with anonymous New Yorkers, in the hopes that neither one of us will be too weird to go out a second time, my dealbreakers have become akin to Liz Lemon's list, but surprisingly smaller. I'm now ok with divorced AND kids (with my range from 31-45, it's hard to find guys who aren't still single without a very, very good reason.)

Mostly, I'm just sad. Although having a dog has taken the edge off of the desperate need to feel loved (thank you small, furry package of affection), the recent family health issues (and deaths over the past three years) have left me wondering how the hell I'm going to do this. By myself.

Sigh.